Eid-ul-Fitr 2008

Happy Eid if anybody ever reads this!
I am sitting here all alone, sad and disappointed with the way my life has turned out. Sent my son to PreSchool and husband is at work.
Eid as I remember from my childhood days: The whole family of aunts, uncles, grandmas, cousins would all gather. Mom and aunts would cook yummy sweets and meat/rice recipes early in the morning. All the men would go to the prayer and come back and give us all kids money. We would all be happy, we wear our new clothes, eat sweets and yummy lunch and spend the rest of the afternoon playing and laughing. Aaaahh..those were the days!

Now, I hardly do anything similar to that. I dont cook any sweets or yummy food 'coz I dont have the motivation to do so. Since I married a person of different religion(even though he converted) Life is not the same anymore. He somehow turned to being an atheist. I lost the enthusisasm or the zeal to do anything for Eid anymore. My parents dont call me unless they need money let alone for Eid. I dont have any muslim friends. My sister has her own mind.

And if I even consider taking my son to a mosque, the idea is totally shot down and arguments start from my husband.

Now, considering all this crap....I totally lost interest in anything Eid or anything religious.

I dont even know why I married him in the first place.....to endure all this shit which is worthless :(

Why do men watch Porn?

**** Read at your own risk...you have been warned!!!*****

I always had this question...why do men watch porn?

I was introduced to all this porn watching and that such a thing exists by my husband 8 years ago when I initially met him. It really shocked me to no ends..and I thought and still think that most porn is disgusting to say the least.

I have always told my husband that I don't like it and wouldn't prefer him watching so extensively...but he always went back to that habit. The minute he gets his hands on a laptop ...he ends up watching porn ...ofcourse without my knowledge..so he thinks!!
Why do you do that? It really disgusts me and I hate you for this!

I asked him one day.... how he would feel if he walked in on me watching naked men and enjoying it? He said.."Ohh...I understand what you are saying and nodded"! I thought he got the point..but apparently he dint! &%$#!

This porn habit of yours can easily make it the strongest point in getting a divorce from you. I hate it that much.

You said that you don't get enough sex and thats why you watch it. OK..how much of sex is enough for you?? We do it atleast twice a week..isn't that enough? And with a kid around me all day its exhausting by night! And I work from home which adds up to my exhaustion.

I lost total interest in sex and do it mechanically with no feelings in my heart or the zeal, ONLY 'coz of your porn habits. I am sorry, but Your porn habits disgust me :(

Here 's the scoop of the year!! I found this secret of yours! When I was away for 2 months and was facing all the emotional stress of my life dealing with my fanatic religious relatives and defending our inter-religious marriage every minute, every day I was there....You cozily sit here and subscribed a sexy housewife porn site. Why...why would you do that? I hate you for this :(

I always wonder what more you do/did when I am not around.

Building or buying a Pre-built House??

Our sweet project of building a new house has gone sour..coz of the many tree issues. There are trees in the backyard/front which are huge and the City dept is trying to save them and our builder and us wants them gone! Not that we hate trees..but its such a pain when the tree stands right in the middle of our house! Anyways..it took the builder 4-5 months to clear up the issue. Hopefully we should build a house soon! But me and my husband totally totally lost interest in it now..I am keen on buying a house rather than building it!
We'll see what happens!

My BIL has a problem!

My sister was excited that she would meet me after a long time. Its been more than a year since we met. But unfortunately her "new" husband still cannot digest the fact that I married someone out of the religion.

Oh well...he will get used to it! It really makes me and my sister angry that he does not allow us to meet !@#$%!#$%&!

You told on me to my parents!!!??

You called my parents this morning to tell on me?? Why the hell would you do that? You dint even give me a hint that you would call!
Yes, Now I really think my marriage was a mistake! Go figure...

Valentine's Day!

Thanks for the 3 dozen roses and the gift from Tiffany's. You dint have to do that..but thanks anyway! Its appreciated :)

Petty, small things irritate you???

Why do you act like a jerk sometimes? Why do you get irritated for the smallest of small things?
If your innocent son makes a mess with his color markers you shout at him, if he comes running to you every minute calling "daddy, daddy" you yell at him, you yell at me coz i said that you close the lids of cups/bottles too tight..why? why do you do this?

Debts..Debts!!

Yes we do have debts..we always had them since we were in school. Its not new. Then why become hyper tense about it today? And bring up the topic of debts, finances, and future home deposit every now and then?
I really don't understand you? You had huge problem when I was not earning for 7 months after our sons birth. And you have a problem now when I earn good money..why?

I don't put much thought into giving gifts to YOU!

Last night you hurt my feelings when you said that I don't put much thought into giving gifts to you. Do you even realize that we never had enough money for expensive gifts?
Only from last year I started earning a lot of money and Masha-Allah I am able to afford stuff.
I have always given gifts to you which I thought you might use and you always say NO to anything I want to do for your Birthday, Anniversary, etc.

A Good Start to a New Years!!

Let's see if I can do this!!

I will forgive everything he has done and start a fresh start from this year on. I read from some blogs and realize all this is not worth it. Life is too short ..let me live and let live.